Gwyneth Gets Second Dibs On A Wretched Sweater


I feel like it says a lot about InStyle’s commitment to being au courant — that being, they don’t have one — that it chose Gwyneth for one of its awards-month covers despite the fact that she’s well outside of that realm at the moment. (Her last movie was Mortdecai, which I would fugcap if I thought I could tolerate the one-two punch of Johnny Depp and Olivia Munn.) She’s not an illegitimate choice — GOOP will always be newsy — but she’s definitely a removed one. And it’s borne out by how bland the cover line is about their interview. The story excerpts they released are all about what a health and fitness trailblazer she is, preaching gospel that none of us are quite savvy enough to understand yet, but which one day we will lap up like puppies while ungraciously forgetting who filled our dish with water. Not sure how you promote that on the cover in a way that makes anyone want to read it, but look around the rest of the cover: None of those are very inspired. The left side uses a variant on the word “style” three times. “Stars and their Secret Weapon Stylists” is clumsy; I’d keep it to “Beauty BFFs: Stars and their Secret Weapons,” or something. I don’t know. Everything about this feels like InStyle was sleepwalking.

Worse for Gwyneth, she’s also picking up someone’s sloppy fashion seconds. This is the same terrible Fendi sweater that befell Rosie Huntington-Whiteley on Elle UK. She looks nice enough otherwise, but she should have claimed a skin allergy to non-macrobiotic, cage-raised acrylic fibers or something. Switching it to baby pink (Rosie’s is red and black) does nothing to make the top any more flattering — it might actually make it worse; yes, Rosie was flashing underboob, but the wisdom in raising up her arm is that the top didn’t make her look saggy — nor does it make the abdominal sweatband less pointless. Seriously, unless that thing does a hundred crunches for me and curbs cravings for anything that isn’t a vegetable, I want no part of it.

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Recommended article: The Guardian’s Summary of Julian Assange’s Interview Went Viral and Was Completely False.

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