Idris Elba's New Reality Show is Too Much to Handle

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A new trailer for Idris Elba’s new fighting series just came out and I honestly don’t understand how the internet is still standing.

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GURL!

WHAT?!

More From Eric Reads the News
20 articles

You need to see this. Right now. And I’ll admit, it might be a little weird for you to watch it at the office for… reasons. But then again I don’t know what your company’s position on sweat-soaked pecs is. Please call Human Resources and inquire.

“Hi, Chad? I don’t see anything in the employee handbook about Luther’s nipples. Please advise.”

Better safe than sorry.

Actually, never mind. I’m sure it’s fine. Who could object to this?

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It’s just yoga, Chad. Don’t you believe in the health benefits of stretching and relaxation, Chad?

And this is just tying your shoes, Chad. Is that against the rules now, too? Are we supposed to be barefoot in this office? I think not. There’s a lot of loose staples in the carpet.

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And this is just a Hollywood star stripped to his skivvies flexing outside of a sauna whilst soaking wet, Chad. Nothing at all out of the ordinary.

Perhaps my favorite thing about the promotional video for Idris’ new show is that he is, hilariously, dripping wet in every single shot. SpongeBob SquarePants is drier than Idris Elba right now.

I guess the abundance of moisture is a good thing, though, because THE THIRST IS REAL.

Sorry for shouting but this is a national emergency.

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Blessings to Discovery UK for coming up with the brilliant idea to follow one of our most talented stars as he spends a year training to become a professional fighter. This is what Celebrity Fit Club was supposed to be except they gave us Screech practicing psychological warfare when what we needed was Stringer Bell literally pummeling guys while shirtless.

It’s a subtle difference.

This series looks so intense. And I’ll admit I don’t 100% understand why it exists. But as I tell myself every time I think about checking my bank account balance, I’m okay with uncertainty.

I was unaware that training to be a professional fighter was a thing that you could do with your spare time. I’ve been busy trying to figure out how to work this Bullet Journal and meanwhile Idris is literally becoming Batman.

I definitely saw Ra’s Al Ghul in one of those shots.

Honestly, though, how dare Idris do this? He filmed four movies and a television series last year and just decided to casually go pro? Rude. Some people are spending their spare time picking up knitting and he’s learning how to actually kill a man with his bare hands.

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I only have one complaint with this series and, unfortunately, it’s a big one.

How in the Heimdall are you going to name a television show Fighter and not blast Christina Aguilera through the entire thing?

That doesn’t even make any sense.

Actually if there was any justice in the world, they would have cast Christina Aguilera as Idris’ salty-mouthed, eccentric coach.

Can’t you already see Legend-tina on the side of the ring, randomly belting out encouragement, while struggling with a huge bouffant and an always-full vodka and soda?

We are, truly, living in the golden age of television.

Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.

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