Lindsay Lohan’s Poetry Will Destroy ISIS For Once And For All


The Mother Theresa of Turkey has taken a break from staring her iPhone while waiting for Tina Fey to call her about her Mean Girls 2 treatment and dribbled out a poem dedicated to ISIS where I think she said that she wants to destroy terrorism with her kisses. Well, I guess if there’s an STD that causes you to destroy terrorism with your mouth, that’s the STD to have. Lindsay Lohan sliced her finger open while yachting once, so she totally understands the horrifying plight of Syrian refugees and wants to save them and the world. While many people do nothing about Syria, LiLo posted this Ode to World Peace (and to herself, it’s mostly an ode to herself).

She’s really a regular E.E. CummingInMeCostsExtra.

But really, if LiLo recorded that poem and sent it to ISIS, there’s a chance that all of the terrorists would hear her “Russian grandma after a dozen shots of novocaine” accent and put their weapons down to rip their own ears off. So maybe she really could destroy ISIS with her poetry? What if she did? Oh fuck, I think read her poem so many times that I got contact high.

Pic: Instagram

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