For the past few years, acting powerhouses Meryl “Can’t Be Overrated; I Am the Rate” Streep and Viola “Are You Ready to Feel Every Emotion? Cuz You’re About To” Davis have been low-key building one of Hollywood’s best BFF-ships.
They’ve been trading fawning praise and beautiful awards show introductions for years but it all came to a head last night when they performed a stunning double act at the Golden Globes.
With the one-two-three punch of Davis’ emotional acceptance speech, followed by her stirring introduction of Streep’s lifetime achievement award and concluding with Streep’s glorious, weave-snatching subtweet of the president-elect, the two women walloped the country’s feelings like tag-teaming emotional luchadors invading a sequel to Inside Out.
I am 100% ready for these two faves to spend the rest of eternity being publicly nice to each other, making brilliant speeches and generally improving the emotional well-being of the bubble.
Oh, and cooking, apparently.
In Davis’ phenomenal introductory speech prior to Streep’s Cecil B. DeMille Award, she went on an amazing tangent about the thoroughness with which Streep cooks. A sample:
“What did you do last night, Viola?”
“Oh, I cooked an apple pie.”
“Did you use pippin apples?”
“Pippin apples? What the hell are pippin apples? I used Granny Smith apples.”
“Oh. Did you make your own crust?”
“No, I used store-bought crust. That’s what I did.”
“Then you didn’t make an apple pie, Viola.”
“Well that’s because I spent all my time making my collard greens. I make the best collard greens. I use smoked turkey, chicken broth, and my special barbeque sauce.”
Silence. I shut her down.
“Well, they don’t taste right unless you use ham hocks. If you don’t use ham hocks it doesn’t taste the same. So, how’s the family?”
First of all, I’m starving.
Second of all, how do these two people find the time to cook like this? Cousin Vi, stop playing. You are literally standing on stage in an evening gown at one of the 15 fancy awards shows you will go to this month in between your day job playing a murder-ish law professor and your many patient appearances on Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel. How do you have time to do anything more than pop in a Lean Cuisine for one and promise to do better next week?
You are making us look bad, Cousin Vi! Now I have to find a ham hock!
Bring me a ham hock!
Third of all, are Viola Davis and Meryl Streep about to start the world’s best-acted cooking show because I am here for that. Sorry, Pioneer Woman; it’s over. I love your folksy ways, your irrational hatred of bananas and your lavish sun-dappled Oklahoma kitchen. You are giving me dust bowl goals. You’re what would happen if Willa Cather was cast on a Real Housewives spinoff.
This could literally go on forever.
FACT: They are both 100% badass women who are, by all measures, the best at their jobs. Meryl has earned 157 acting awards since 1979. Viola has earned 79 acting awards since 2001. Together they’ve been nominated for 571 awards. Your fave could literally never.
Unless your fave is Amy Adams, who is totally worthy of being part of this pantheon but usually holds back because we seriously could not handle all of this fabulousness.
OMG, can you imagine hanging out with the three? Every word, a life-affirming drop of wisdom. Every line-delivery, superb. Every tear, convincing and heart-wrenching.
When I die I want to come back as that hand on the left side of this photo. Just trying to get a tiny bit of the fabulousness that is these three pushing through all the riff-raff like a classically trained Destiny’s Child.
FACT: They know their worth. They are walking self-worth goals.
FACT: Viola and Meryl are both phenomenal public speakers capable of writing soul-stirring remarks and giving the kind of off-the-cuff commentary that makes audiences rise to their feet even if said audiences are watching at home in a Snuggie and rising becomes really awkward and complicated. They’re highly intelligent, incredibly perceptive people. Separate they’re extraordinary. Together they’re unstoppable.
FACT: I want to be them. Or be best friends with them. Or hang outside their kitchen window for the free smells. Whatever works.
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