Kristen Wiig Should Present Every Award at Every Award Show for the Rest of Eternity

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Kristen Wiig, 2017 Golden Globes, Arrivals

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She wasn’t nominated for anything. She wasn’t in any nominated movies. She wasn’t up for any honorary awards. Yet somehow, some way, Kristen Wiigmanaged to completely steal the show at the Golden Globes. 

And, not surprisingly, it wasn’t the first time this has happened. This could be the actress’ sneaky way of subconsciously auditioning for the next hosting gig. Or it could just be a result of the fact that she is, quite simply, the most kicka– presenter to ever happen to award shows. 

In a job where one could very easily phone it in, or read the teleprompter, give a cheeky one liner, and call it a day, Kristen goes the extra mile. She pushes the boundaries. She makes us cry with laughter. 

It all started four long years ago. It was the 70th annual Golden Globes; Tina Fey and Amy Poehlerwere hosting. Kristen and constant costar Will Ferrell took the stage to present…well, who cares? Seriously, no one remembers because their bit was so good. 

It started with the two comedians feigning the most hilarious faces of dismay this side of the Mississippi, and ended with some completely genius fake synopses of that year’s nominee movies. (Oh, and the category was Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical.)

“This year, the Golden Globes has asked if each presenter would watch all of the films in their category to have an appreciation of these amazing performances,” started Ferrell. “Which I did, I totally watched them! You just sit down, you pop ’em in, you watch ’em. Not a big deal.” 

Their take on Salmon Fishing in the Yemen? “When the salmon are coming out and the bad guy comes, and the salmon’s like, no. And you’re in Yemen.”

Their take on Best Exotic Marigold Hotel? “Judi Dench, where did she come from? She used to a police officer, and this is her first movie. And she’s on that tractor and the marigolds are everywhere, and she comes in and she looks at the townspeople and says you get out of here!”

Their take on Silver Linings Playbook? “The silver that she’s collected over time, and she comes in, and she says, no, that’s my cookbook! And she comes in, and she says, you get out of here!” 

Their take on The Quartet? “No one knows what the quartet is. It’s ambiguous! You think you know what it is, and then that guy comes and he’s like, I think I know what the quartet is!”

Their take on Hope Springs? “[Ahem] Mariel Streep plays the sassy sheriff. And she comes in on a horse and looks at the townspeople and says you get out of here!”

Are you crying-laughing yet? You should be. The entire audience was in stitches watching Will and Kristen seemingly wing it, to utter perfection. 

Another standout presentation from Kristen came at the hands of her fellow comedians Maya Rudolph and Melissa McCarthy, as they presented Bridesmaids as one of the best films at the 2012 SAG Awards. Three words for you: Scorsese Drinking Game. Mic drop. 

And then back at the Golden Globes two years ago, Wiig stole the show yet again, this time with costar-at-the-time Bill Hader. The pair was on hand to present the Best Screenplay award, so they felt it only appropriate to pay homage to the best lines from film’s past. 

Lines like “Kids, I really, I gotta get back to my planet.” And “Guys, guys, guys, relax.” Or, “Excuse me, which way is the Beverly Center?” Move over, whoever is currently the reigning champ of rehearsing famous movie lines! 

Yes, all those moments were but stepping stones on a journey; one that would lead Kristen Wiig to where she is today. The hands-down best award show presenter of all time. She solidified her position and shut down anyone who might still be harboring a secret penchant for Steve Martin with her bit alongside Steve Carellto present Best Animated Film. 

The comedians decided to share the poignant and touching moments that they first watched an animated movie. It included heartwarming memories like when Steve saw Fanstasia and then his mother decided to divorce his father. Or the time that Kristen saw Bambi after her family put down their three dogs. Oh, and also her Grandpa disappeared that day. 

In a Golden Globes show that was every bit moving, monumental and thought-provoking, it was nice to have a few moments to simply cry your eyes out at the idea of Fantasia Day. And we have Kristen Wiig to thank for that. 

Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be off crafting her campaign slogan for next year’s hosting gig. 

(Why?)

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