The bigger the better. The more the merrier. Size matters. As a culture, we’re obsessed with the notion of having the most, or in this case, the longest duration of anything. Blame it on advertising, insecurity, a society where guys still measure everything against their own dicks; whatever the reason, it’s no surprise why wanting to last really, extremely, ridiculously long in bed may seem like a good idea. The truth is, it’s not that simple.
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Sure, Missy Elliott’s iconic words about wanting “no one-minute man” still ring true. You might be good. You might be great. But gone in sixty seconds? That likely won’t do it. And if sixty seconds of penetration is all you’ve got to offer, it’s time to start sharpening up your other skills, a lot. Here are a few things to consider before treating your next encounter like a competition.
Sex isn’t a sprint, but it’s damn sure not a marathon either.
Abandon the notion that length of time you spend engaged in intercourse directly correlates to the quality of dick you’re giving. One hour of bad sex is still bad sex, but five mind-blowing minutes can be unforgettable. We’ve experienced just as many hookups that end decidedly premature as we’ve spent staring at the ceiling trying to determine how to politely ask, “Are you done yet?” After applying the same energy you were putting into going the distance to getting on the same page as your partner, a sex marathon may not seem as appealing (or triumphant) as it once did.
The key to good sex is communication.
There’s more to your intimate encounter than penetration alone. Whispering in your partner’s ear, “How do you like that?” mid-stroke doesn’t qualify as useful communication—directly find out what they want. This can happen before you get to the bedroom (and dirty talk might even lead you there). Strengthening the quality of communication will not only result in better sex (this is a fact), it will also result in a healthier relationships at any level—friends with benefits, to married 15 years with children.
Look for other ways to please your partner.
If you’re striving to go the distance but consistently feeling like you’re falling short, don’t let insecurity over a speedy session get you down. There are always methods, such as mastering the art of cunnilingus and making sure you have a confident, firm, but conscious touch. Start gentle, and read the signals. But most importantly, showing you’re invested in your partner’s pleasure rather than how long you can pound it out can ultimately bypass how short (or long) you last.
You may already be lasting long enough.
Those of you already going the distance should probably check with your partner. Maybe you’re killing the game and really laying it down for an extended period of ecstasy, but your partner could also be accommodating you and your ego—just ask! And you don’t have to say, “Am I lasting too long?” You can simply pose this inquiry as wanting to learn more about what works for their needs. Further, after you check if you’re doing all you can for them (as in, you come second), it may be more comfortable to ask for things that you like that may help you get off sooner—before your partner is over it and staring at the ceiling.
Bottom line: Communicate. Once you aren’t wasting energy on lasting as long as you possibly can, you’ll put yourself in position to have a constantly evolving and ever-improving sex life—one where the last thing you need to worry about is the clock. And besides, there’s always round two.